I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
