so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
