I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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