he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
