I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
