So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
