I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
