It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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