You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
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Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
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I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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