Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
