he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
