I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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