Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
