I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
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