No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
