Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Pooping to opera.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
