and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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