So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
