i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
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