i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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