Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
