so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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