hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
