True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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