coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
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her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
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I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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