If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
