I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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