Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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