It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
