Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
