Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
