Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
