I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
