oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
