Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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