You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
