So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.