oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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