she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
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I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
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I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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