Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
