I need to stop coming to work sober
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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