I've blown a few things in my day
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
