actually, I'm a sock model
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
