a queef is a wish your heart makes.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
