Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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