I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
