fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
