8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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