I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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