I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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