Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm experimenting with sincerity
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure