It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.