you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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