you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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