Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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