if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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