just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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