I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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